I simply cant believe this.
The very thought of her gifts a sense of pleasure..
What else can I say?
I have no words.
Smile on my lips speaks them all.
Tears that spill speak them all.
I have no words.
No words to explain the world, the joy of having had her in my life.
Absolutely no words, to describe the whole of emptiness…in her absence.
I have no words.
Posted in musings | Leave a Comment »
I don’t know.
Don’t know what happened to me
Don’t know why I am so irresponsible
Don’t know why I am blank..passive..reckless..
I keep no promises
I fulfill no responsibility
All my days go blank.
Filled with trash
All empty…useless..
full of unimplemented resolutions
full of abandoned desires
All gloomy..dull..
No joy..
No excitement
No energy
No achievement
I don’t want this.
I will not let this continue.
Hope I will keep this word I give to myself
This space means a ot to me.
What ever I write here comes from the core of my heart.
I trust that I would respect what my soul desires.
I trust that I would stand on my decisions.
I will work on ENT.
Posted in straight from my heart | Tagged academics, exams, life | Leave a Comment »
I feel I can dare to come back.
After long long hours of melancholy… I now consider myself near normal…near original.
At least,
I think I can claim a right over this page…from myself.
Looks funny??
This is truth.
My truth.
This is a kind of rebirth.
I don’t say I have recovered.
But I can say
with all guts,
with all confidence,
that I have regained my soul.
All these days, It was as if I’d lost it somewhere. I remained, a soulless being.
Its enough.
ITS ENOUGH.
Now
No regrets.
No escapism.
No concealment.
No rationalization.
Nothing.
NOTHING.
Well I have got a lot of work—No time for leisurely ramblings!!
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged life | Leave a Comment »
I need transformation–
Transformation in every sense..in every aspect—So does my blog!!
Find me at ‘Revelation‘ 
Posted in musings | Leave a Comment »
The END of IIyr examinations…
Pathology Microbiology Pharmacology and Forensic medicine…
It had just been a few months’ obligatory work…I dont think I have probed into atleast 0.00001% of what I need to know and that I have retained atleast 0.0000001% of what I probed into.
But the exams are over..and results will be out soon. I would get through the exam hopefully..and the next part of the course starts. Everything goes on…
Looking at some of the blunders(or wonders??):
PREFINAL EXAMINATION:
MICROBIOLOGY-VIVA
My examiner was asking me…
–How do you diagnose HIV infection?
er…. er…. …
–Have you ever heard about western blot??
yes sir..
–what will you detect in western blot–antigens or antibodies??
antigens, sir
–ANTIGENS???
… … ……
–What do you know about vaccines for polio?
killed vaccine..live attenuated vaccine… … … …
–Route of administration of sabins vaccine?
orally…
–is it given as gel or a tablet or a capsule?
… … …
_______________________________________________________________________________
FINAL EXAMINATION:
_________________
MICROBIOLOGY PAPER I
Qno.1 Prophylaxis of polio
My ans:
Local treatment: Soon after the dogbite, the wound is immediately washed with soap and water. Soap acts as an effective disinfectant. Anti rabies serum may be applied and infiltrated onto the wound…. … …
____________________________________________________________________________
MICROBIOLOGY PAPER II
Q. Different morphological forms of hemoflagellates.
My ans. Trichomonas vaginalis is consists of 4 polar flagellae….. …. …
_______________________________________________________________________________
PHARMACOLOGY VIVA:
–how do you treat hypoglycemia?
.. … … infuse gluose
–how much do you infuse?
… …. .. …
–What are the side effects of the inhaled steroids?
… … … …
________________________________________________________________________________
PATHOLOGY VIVA:
–what is microalbuminuria?
.. … …
–How do you differentiate between hematuria and hemoglobinuria?
… … …er… red cells …microscopically…(i was murmering)
–What did you say? I couldnt hear u???
… … …red cell casts …
–Red cell casts need not be present?!!
… …. …
_____________________________________________________________________________
MICROBIOLOGY VIVA:
–name some autoimmune diseases.
… … SLE..
–ok.. then…??
… … …rheumatic fever.. ..
–thats all?
… … …
–speak about lab diagnosis of filaria.
… … …
–what is the sample that you will take for diagnosis in lab?
… … …
_____________________________________________________________________________
FORENSIC MEDICINE VIVA:
–what incisions do you give to open the body during autopsy?(It was the body of a person died due to severe burns)
.. .. …. …. …
–How do you remove the brain?
… …incision is given on the scalp… from mastoid to mastoid…in coronal plane…
–fine. then??
scalp is reflected..anteriorly till superior orbital margin… …
–fine. And posteriorly till??
…till… … …
–Leave it. tell me what will you use to open the cranium?
… … …
–You use saw, right??
yes.. sir… …
–tell me, what did you use in your anatomy lab? Saw or anything else??
..saw..sir… …
–ok. what would you see after you open?
… er.. dura.. sir
–what do you use to cut it?
…er… scalpel…
–How can you do it with a scalpel? You’ld end up damaging the brain! you have to use a scissor. No??
…yes …sir…
________________________
–identify the spotter.
seeds of nux vomica..sir
–what does those seeds contain?
stychrine sir..
–poisoning by those seeds resembles which natural disease??
… .. .. ..
–what are the features of poisoning?
… …convulsions…sir…
–then tell me where you see convulsions?
… …. …
–You also use a vaccine to prevent the disease.. .. ..
… … …
–the disease usually follows a injury… … ..
… … .. ..tetanus.. sir
____________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________
Funny, is it not??
-Firstly, I dont know much of the subject. neither Anatomy, physiology, biochemistry..or..patho, pharma, micro and forensic…
-I am not clear and confident about what I know,(Not confident partly because I am not clear…and partly because I dont believe that I know it)
-I dont speak out what I know.
-I block my common sense when I sit before my examiner.
Finally I end up giving the worst possible performance…
Dont really know how to analyze this.. … …
Posted in musings | Tagged academics, Add new tag, medicine, musings | 1 Comment »
I started hating this.
My blog ceases to serve the purpose of its creation.
My blog ceases to serve as an outlet for all the inner turmoil.
My blog ceases to depict crudest part of myself preserving all its subtility.
I may change or modify myself as the circumstances demand..But I want my wildest self to survive atleast in these few posts…
I want myself to be portrayed as I am–
I want to expose my thought process..my value system..
my assets..my flaws..
my dreams..plans and efforts..
the wonders I make..
the blunders I commit…everything..everything..
Everything as they are..without the fear of being a destructor of my own image.
What I am now is the final result of a great deal of processing…
What the world knows is the final outcome.
But I want to give a form to all the processing that goes on in my mind–I want to frame them as words and record them here
I want to disclose everything in their crudest form…
I want to take advantage of anonymity..the greatest provision in the world of blogging.
I want my blog to depict the real I…
Posted in musings | Tagged blog, tears, thoughts | 3 Comments »
Discovered an abnormal personality trait in myself.
I tend to be very comfortable with myself. I can observe self, command self, check self, counter self, judge self..In short, I can deal myself very well. I have such an extent of control on myself that I seldom crave for an external(material or human) aid. I can tackle myself and my actions in any condition. I may be wrong(afterall, I am a human being)..But I am fine like this. This state of self sufficiency gives me courage and confidence to rush ahead in all my endeavours.
But, these days, my observations reveal that I am comfortable ONLY with myself. I find paralysed when I have to go into people. I can stand the conditions as long as I can work in my own ways(small adjustments in small issues dont matter). But when the need crosses the boundary, All my senses get blocked(including sixth) and I find myself paralysed before I can attempt to think what to do and how to do… I start acting in the extremely senseless and stupid manner…I turn too wierd…
I have to work on this dimension. I have to learn to synergize.
Posted in musings | Tagged behaviour, life, thoughts | Leave a Comment »
After vigourous thought, came to a resolution…
Dont know what gave me courage..but I resolved despite barriers of society, religion, obligations and inhibitions…
I am still not able judge myself…
But there is no retreat.
I have chosen my partner.
Posted in musings | Tagged life | 4 Comments »
