25 April, 2007
Heard another comment today…that I am innocent!!
What exactly is innocence? Not knowing that something is possible? Not knowing that other side of the coin really exists? why do people call me innocent? Just because they feel that I am not aware of consequences…so I speak out my brain, exhibit my stupidity and make a fool of myself? Or because people continue to exploit me and I dont resist?
Speaking of Siddu…One Siddharth of my class..who was rather insensible and touchy..who,I feel, is often ignored by almost all the people of our class…that Siddu started telling everyone that I was his close friend!! Is this just because I was so ‘innocent’ that I couldnt sense that my behaviour implied it??Yes…true! If i address him Siddu[addressing by halfnames and petnames reflects intimacy…doesnt it?], if I care about him and try to warn him when I felt he was wrong, if I start advising him for his good, If i start sharing his agony and grief…why wouldnt he call me a friend?? All my behaviour convinced him that I care about him. So there is nothing unnatural in his reaction…
But he is not my friend…I have never spoken a word about myself to him nor did I tell him what I really felt about him. How could I tell him that I pity him.. because he was so imbalanced emotionally? How can I tell him that I cared for him just out of pity..and respected him just for the sake of courtesy?Ofcourse, I was conscious that there was every chance for him to misunderstand me..because, at a stage, everyone rejected him and isolated him, and I became his only outlet. But, as I continued listening to him..one thing became more and more clear..that I can never value his feelings and opinions. So I started avoiding him.
But my friends always say I should have avoided him from the begining..They say he is not worth to be spent time for..and his thoughts are so distorted that no attempt to make him think differently will have any effect on him..it would rather disturb the one who attempts!! This is all true…I shouldn’t say I was not aware of it…I just did not care to think of it.
Honestly, I was aware of everything that was happening..and when I was aware…It couldnot be ‘innocence’..Its sheer ignorance…gross negligence!!
——————————————————————————————
This post had been a draft since long..I didn’t publish it because I felt what I had written was nonsense..because people around me had tried to quote an irrelavant issue to explain their statement and I was thinking about it seriously and written down what I felt about it . But I find my friends speaking about the same nonsense for days. I don’t understand why…
If they too felt it was nonsense..why didn’t they stop speaking about it?
If they didn’t feel it nonsense..what on earth has kept them from realizing its worth?
If this weren’t really nonsense..why does it appear to me like that?
The real I... 
Innocent?
as is one
who believes in the good in all,
even if there is evidence to prove otherwise?
So what.
Later in life
when you look back
you will only regret what
you did, that you shouldn’t have
or didn’t, that you should have.
What people say to you
or about you will not matter.
You are,
who you are.
It is your life,
you lead it the way you think is right.
Just be your ownself.
Sorry
if I did not make much sense.
These days I tend to ramble a lot.
What I meant was
don’t let what others say bother you.
You live only by your own actions and decisions.
Have you read,
Jonathan Livingston Seagull?
akhila:Went back to checkout my reply…It was really vague-thats perhaps why you felt I didn’t understand what you said..
I just wanted to say I got your point…and I agree with you..
I think I must have been more clear..
No, I haven’t read Seagull..But I will see if I can..
Thanks!!